I have been a bit paralyzed the last few days, creatively that is.
People may not intuitively think that as a profession physical therapists have to deal with death. However, PT can play a very important role at the end of life and in hospice care. While eager (as always) to share all that I have been learning, every time I brought my pen to a cup…I froze. I had so much to say and no words or images to convey how I felt. Then it seemed like everything reminded me of the losses I have had and I began to spiral into frustration. Frustrated that I was unable share my experiences as a caregiver & a mourner.
So then after a very long and hard day, I found myself in a hot room hearing the words:
“Yoga is the practice of tolerating the consequences of being yourself“
90 minutes later, lying in savasana I finally digested that thought and realized:
LIFE is the practice of tolerating the consequences of being yourself.
Today, tomorrow, maybe even next year I am sensitive about death, I am grateful for life, and I am OK if that means I shut down sometimes.
I have to ponder that for a while, that life is the practice of tolerating the consequences of being yourself. It’s something to really let sink in.
I often feel so much of that frustration myself– to not be able to express myself in the way that I want. I almost always feel like I come up short, that what I express is only a fraction of what I feel. Maybe it’s also why I continue to try– because when I’m lucky enough to even momentarily grasp that elusive moment of clear expression, I feel so alive.
I also think that shutting down is also completely OK. You’ve gone through a lot– even from just the little that I know– and it’s a lot for one person to have to deal with, I think it’s important to remember that. My guess is that you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be OK even if you don’t always feel that way. I think when you’re ready, you’ll find the right way for you to express them. xo